"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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