I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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