You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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