ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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