After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
