All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I didn't notice because vodka
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
