Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
