WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
