from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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