Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
she peed on how many people?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
