i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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