so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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