Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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