i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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