I can't watch pbs sober anymore
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
