I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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