i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You are a genius and a whore.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
