Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
as a side note pls kill me
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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