Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
