A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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