fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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