Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
