i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
