I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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