so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
