I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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