yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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