I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
