Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
