My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
