now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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