i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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