the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
