Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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