So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
