She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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