i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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