I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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