after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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