i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
