Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
