I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
