at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
