let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
