I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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