she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Randomize
