We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
