yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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