I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Randomize
