Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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