And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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